While writing another post, I went on a tangent about a phase I went through about a decade ago. I’ll call it my “I don’t need a man/men are dogs” phase. While typing, my mind drifted back so deeply that I literally felt like I was watching a ghost of my younger self, the younger self that was pleasant on the outside yet lost and full of pain on the inside.
I couldn’t help but feel a bit perplexed. I realized (better late than never) that while I had this “I don’t need a man/men are dogs” attitude, I was continuing to deal with doggish men. During that time, if you would have asked me why, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you, but I see it so clearly now. I was dealing with doggish men because that was my comfort zone. I didn’t want a doggish man, but that’s what I grew to become comfortable with. .
What you truly think about yourself, your skills, your possibilities is what will continue to present itself in various ways until you change your inner dialogue and your boundaries. For example: If you think you are worthless and unable to do anything right, it’s going to reflect in the type of jobs you receive, your life, your dynamic with your family, and who you choose to hang with. You will settle for the worst of the worst to be with or work for because deep down you feel as if you can’t do better and you are in your comfort zone, despite the fact that you are tired of what your going through.
You can turn your life around. Here are a few steps on how to do it::
- Look in the mirror. See all your flaws, think about the horrible things YOU did to keep yourself down and then FORGIVE YOURSELF. Don’t fester in your pity. If you think about it, you have been wallowing for years! Get up. It’s time to move forward.
- Start working on yourself. I’m sure you heard the term “accept me as I am.” I wrestle with that term because if your personality is toxic, your horribly unhealthy, have bad hygiene, constantly unemployed, or in dead end jobs…you need to change to improve your life. These changes can include opening yourself to meeting better quality people, getting into fitness and healthy eating, going back to school, applying for better jobs, etc. This step is hard for a lot of people because change is hard and very uncomfortable and requires sacrifice and dedication. This is where you are going to really contend with yourself and the people around you because they are going to tell you all kinds of negative things to keep where you are. Tune them out and move forward.
- Reassess your standards and priorities. Realize where you settled in life and improve those boundaries…but please…don’t look down on people as you move forward. Be humble. Be grateful for all of your opportunities. Be a positive influence, even if it simply means leading by example.
- Seek professional help. A lot of people hate the idea of seeking a counselor or psychologist, but a mental health professional is key in helping you learn more about yourself and staying on track towards a better life.
As for me (in case you were wondering), my negative cycle stopped when I began to change the story I told myself:
- I reminded myself that all men are not dogs. It was time to stop talking negative about men and change my standards.
- I constantly told myself that I deserve better than I was settling for, in EVERY part of my life. I began working my way towards a better life which included going back to school and paying off my debts.
- I started to embrace things about myself that I love and began living my personal life on my terms. Life is so much better when you truly love and enjoy who you are.
- I got serious about my mental health and I see a counselor at least 4 times a year, even if I’m not going through anything major
Yes, I am still prone to being hurt. My choice in men and friends is 80% better, but having great people in your life can still lead to heartache and disappointment due to differences. Since I now have a healthier outlook on life, I don’t take the downs as personal as I used to; I take ownership for what happens to me which gives me more control of my life (and it feels so good), and I improved how I react to life (key word is improved). Life is going to happen to you, there is no way around that, but it’s all about how you react and roll with the punches.
I hope my post gives someone some inspiration. Please subscribe to my blog to keep an eye out for future post and check out my youtube chanel. I hope your day is amazing!