Why are you attracting the wrong people or situations

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If you prefer to see a brief(ish) video related to this topic, here you go 🙂

While writing another post, I went on a tangent about a phase I went through about a decade ago.  I’ll call it my “I don’t need a man/men are dogs” phase. While typing, my mind drifted back so deeply that I literally felt like I was watching a ghost of my younger self, the younger self that was pleasant on the outside yet lost and full of pain on the inside.  

I couldn’t help but feel a bit perplexed.  I realized (better late than never) that while I had this “I don’t need a man/men are dogs” attitude, I was continuing to deal with doggish men.  During that time, if you would have asked me why, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you, but I see it so clearly now. I was dealing with doggish men because that was my comfort zone.  I didn’t want a doggish man, but that’s what I grew to become comfortable with. .  

What you truly think about yourself, your skills, your possibilities is what will continue to present itself in various ways until you change your inner dialogue and your boundaries.  For example: If you think you are worthless and unable to do anything right, it’s going to reflect in the type of jobs you receive, your life, your dynamic with your family, and who you choose to hang with.  You will settle for the worst of the worst to be with or work for because deep down you feel as if you can’t do better and you are in your comfort zone, despite the fact that you are tired of what your going through.

You can turn your life around.  Here are a few steps on how to do it::

  1. Look in the mirror.  See all your flaws, think about the horrible things YOU did to keep yourself down and then FORGIVE YOURSELF.  Don’t fester in your pity. If you think about it, you have been wallowing for years! Get up. It’s time to move forward.
  2. Start working on yourself.  I’m sure you heard the term “accept me as I am.”  I wrestle with that term because if your personality is toxic, your horribly unhealthy, have bad hygiene, constantly unemployed, or in dead end jobs…you need to change to improve your life.  These changes can include opening yourself to meeting better quality people, getting into fitness and healthy eating, going back to school, applying for better jobs, etc. This step is hard for a lot of people because change is hard and very uncomfortable and requires sacrifice and dedication.  This is where you are going to really contend with yourself and the people around you because they are going to tell you all kinds of negative things to keep where you are. Tune them out and move forward.  
  3. Reassess your standards and priorities.  Realize where you settled in life and improve those boundaries…but please…don’t look down on people as you move forward.  Be humble. Be grateful for all of your opportunities. Be a positive influence, even if it simply means leading by example.
  4. Seek professional help.  A lot of people hate the idea of seeking a counselor or psychologist, but a mental health professional is key in helping you learn more about yourself and staying on track towards a better life.

As for me (in case you were wondering), my negative cycle stopped when I began to change the story I told myself:  

  1. I reminded myself that all men are not dogs.  It was time to stop talking negative about men and change my standards.   
  2. I constantly told myself that I deserve better than I was settling for, in EVERY part of my life.  I began working my way towards a better life which included going back to school and paying off my debts.
  3. I started to embrace things about myself that I love and began living my personal life on my terms.  Life is so much better when you truly love and enjoy who you are. 
  4. I got serious about my mental health and I see a counselor at least 4 times a year, even if I’m not going through anything major

Yes, I am still prone to being hurt.  My choice in men and friends is 80% better, but having great people in your life can still lead to heartache and disappointment due to differences.  Since I now have a healthier outlook on life, I don’t take the downs as personal as I used to; I take ownership for what happens to me which gives me more control of my life (and it feels so good), and I improved how I react to life (key word is improved).  Life is going to happen to you, there is no way around that, but it’s all about how you react and roll with the punches.

I hope my post gives someone some inspiration.  Please subscribe to my blog to keep an eye out for future post and check out my youtube chanel.  I hope your day is amazing!

Road Trips! The Ultimate Therapy! (Blue Ridge, Vogel State Park, Helen)

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This past year, I discovered the positive effects of road trips when it comes to mental and emotional health. 

I’ve was feeling a bit gloomy the past week so I decided to take my son and I on a road trip to the beautiful North Georgia Mountains!  We went to Blue Ridge GA, then Vogel State Park, and then we ended our adventure at Helen, GA. 

FYI, that picture above is not a picture of the GA mountains but it looks similar. I was so amazed by the scenery that it didn’t dawn on me to take pictures until later, and there were some parts that had me so full of angst that I was not going to take my eyes off the road or the steering wheel. Check out my video about it (that’s slightly off topic), then bring your butt back here and finish reading…please 🙂

My first Youtube Video! It looks like I’m about to sing. Darn you Youtube! And Iiiiiiiiiiiii will always looooovee yoooouuuuuu!

For some people, the idea of traveling with family is downright terrifying!  If you have kids, you’re probably already thinking about banging your head against your steering wheel, and you haven’t even planned a trip yet!

The idea of having a road trip, especially with family, seems daunting but let’s consider that there are different types of stress.  According to American Psychological Association, stress can be broken down into acute, episodic, and chronic and you want to know more aboutit, you can read about it by clicking HERE (great information!).  But you’re in Veronica’s World (locking the door behind you) and for the purpose of my post, I’m going to discuss stress and anxiety by dividing it into two parts, good and bad.  Simple.

Bad stress and anxiety has nothing positive to offer. It can manifest into physical issues and cause you to develop negative coping habits.   Good stress and anxiety has a whole lot of goodness, and gold, and butterflies mixed within.  No matter what happens, it all adds up to an amazing experience!  And let’s keep in mind, life is not what happens to you, life is how you roll with the punches.  You’re going to roll with whatever life throws your way, find the humor in it, and you’re still going to have a great time!  Now get your *bleep* in the car and start your amazing journey, now! Ok…I’m sorry, let me retract that.  Your trip will be AMAZING no matter what (now get your *bleep* in the car!)

Here are steps you should take before your road trip:

  1. Research your destination and it’s topography. I NEVER use the word topography. It’s been a lonely orphan in the back of my mind, just waiting for an opportunity to shine! TOPOGRAPHY, I hope your dancing like no one is watching.
  2. If there is more than one person going, determine if the destination is compatible for the both of you, or all of you if this is a family outing. You can’t please everyone. In a group, there is at least one person who will see a piece of $h!# in the rainbow and harp on it, despite it being colorful and void of all smells because rainbows are magical. I mean, lets think about it…maybe the $h!# is trying to change for the better, but to that one person in the group, it’s still a piece of $h!t. If you can, leave that person home! If it’s a child, you tell them like it is BEFORE your trip because this trip WILL BE a wonderful experience!
  3. Car maintenance!  This is a must, especially if you’re going on a long road trip: Oil change, tire pressure check, fluid check, check your spare tire, ensure that you have a tire repair kit, palette jack and know how to use it, and tire inflator (they are not expensive anymore).
  4. Ensure you have adequate snacks such as bottles of water, gold fish crackers, fruit (fresh or container).  You never know what will happen.  Your car could stop in a place where there isn’t a cell phone signal. 
  5. Keep various forms of non-electronic entertainment in the car, just in case:  cross word puzzle, Sudoku, fidget spinner (anxiety and anger relief!), and/or a few books.
  6. High powered flashlight and portable heavy duty power charger.
  7. Map out your trip please and thank you!  Sit at a computer or laptop and go over your whole trip, terrain and all.  Heck, Google Earth it!  Don’t wing it by using your GPS.  If you watch my video, you will know that I learned this the hard way because I obviously didn’t think of this step.  I had way more adventure then I could handle because GPS thought it would be fun to mess with me! 
  8. If you have a smart phone, download an offline map.  (This step saved me in Mexico City!) Google has a great tutorial and you can locate it by clicking HERE .  This is a lifesaver if you can’t get a signal.  If you’re old school, get a map.  Heck, keep a map in your glove box anyway!  Talking about glove box…
  9. Make sure you have your driver’s license and health insurance card on you. Ensure that your auto registration and car insurance is up to date, printed, and in your glove compartment.  I didn’t perform this step either. A few miles into my trip, it hit me to check my glove compartment and I realized that I didn’t print out my updated insurance card! I was riding dirty! I was able to download it as an offline file in Google Drive, but you never know if a cop will accept it in that form.
  10. Bring a seperate camera or camcorder, because if you use your phone, people will call you when you’re about the take the most amazing shot!  My mother called my son when he was about to take the perfect picture during our drive and I wasn’t in the position to pull over.  “Grandma, I’m gonna call you right back…I have to call you back…I’m trying to take a picture and I can’t because you called me…call me back.”  That was hilarious.

Some people wing it and that’s their prerogative, but refusing to take precaution is simply asking for trouble.  The purpose of a road trip is to take you away from your troubles, not to create more by being a hard head.  That’s my job, and I’m not even hard headed on purpose.  Learn from my mistakes so you can have a better experience?

I hope you enjoyed my post and received some good food for thought and entertainment.  If you like my post, let me know by giving me a like and follow me by email as well.  I do notice and it makes me feel good!  Lol!

I have a Youtube channel now!  You will learn more about me, imperfections and all! Some of my videos don’t exactly align with my blog topics because I wing it, for now, but in the meantime you will still enjoy me 🙂 

You can also find me on Instagram and Twitter where I try my darndest to practice what I preach.  Thank you for reading!

Negative thoughts always have something to say!

Negative thoughts always seem to speak the loudest, don’t they?  I’m gonna personify negative thought, and here it is:

Boom!  Nailed it!  This animal represents Negative Thought.  So, it’s not a person, but look at him…or her.  This animal looks like it can hold a grudge like a vice grip and stays loaded with bullets of negativity:

“They don’t like you! All they do is talk about you behind your back.”

“That job is beyond your qualifications, why waste your time applying?”

“You can sit cross legged and ommmmmm all you want, you will never get out of your situation! I know you hear me!”

Yeap, that’s Negative Thought.  Negative thought loves to worry and complain.  It will continue to harp on past issues that have been resolved,  it will see things that aren’t there or have yet to happen, and it will take your mind to dismal places.

I struggled with Negative Though a majority of my adult life until I became serious about seeking help.  I was ready to truly face myself because something had to give. My first therapist was wonderful and set the bar very high for those who followed but honestly, I must credit to my father for being one of my best therapists, but I was too immature to follow his advice.  All of his advice sounded like silly hoodoo stuff. Well, imagine how I felt when she began to give me the same advice My dad wasn’t crazy after all.

It was through therapy that I learned how to talk to my negative mind despite how silly it seems.  I sometimes argue with myself internally but when I am really upset, you might hear me utter a few words here and there.  It still feels crazy, but I don’t care…it works! Here is an example of an argument I might have with myself on occasion:

Negative: Look at them, they are over there talking about me!

Me: So what! I don’t know that for sure and I don’t care! It’s going to have a good day today!

It also helps me to when I give Negative Thought a face, as I did above. I couldn’t find a creative commons picture that conveyed my idea of my negative inner person, so I tried to draw it. Here it ist:

Here is Sharon. Sharon is miserable. Sharon complains a lot. Sharon is hard on everybody. Sharon never has a hopeful outlook. Sharon is half crab which explains her hands.

This isn’t how Sharon really looks in my head but I am sure you get the point. A picture really helps with visualization. It helps me see her leaving when I tell her to go away.

I know it seems silly but you really should give it a try. What are some other positive methods you use to deal with your negative mind?

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The Healing Powers of Fishing

Ok, I have a confession.  I am actually terrified of fishing. 

Remember the movie Caddyshack? I think it was Caddyshack…but anyway, I remember a scene where Chevy Chase swings his fishing pole back, preparing to cast the line into the water, well when the line swings back, it hooks another man in this throat or under his jaw. I was a child when I saw this and my memory could be a bit distorted but the fact is, a man got hooked around the neck area and that scene scarred me for life! If your fishing and I see your getting ready to swing your fishing pole, I automatically flinch. If your flailing your pole wildly I will run away! Nope! Nope! Nope! Your not hooking me!

Bad way to start a post about the healing powers of fishing huh?  Ha! I know but I couldn’t resist sharing that story!

And FYI, I tried to redeem myself when I was in Girl Scouts and let me tell you! I was so proud of myself! I put the worm on the hook and wasn’t grossed out. I threw my line in the water and it wasn’t long before I felt a pull on my line…yayyyyy meee! Well I reeled the line in and found that I caught….a big freaking crab!  It was huge and swinging at the end of my line. To prevent the crab from swinging into me, I started turning around in a circle with the pole pointed away, then I dropped my pole and ran!

Hey, I tried!

Despite my fiasco of an experience, there are many others who truly enjoy fishing. And I watch from afar with envy.

Let’s steer this conversation towards men and mental health. Speaking in general, men will not seek mental or emotional therapy unless they are made to do so and even then they are not eager to participate, but guess what fellas?  When you are fishing, you are engaging in one of the best forms of mental therapy!  

When life seems to keep you down, what do you do?  Ok, let’s take that beer out of the equation…what else do you do? Ok, look. Remove the beer, remove the couch, take away the TV…now, what do you do?  You fish and you enjoy it, why? Well:

  • To engage in your hobby, you go to a peaceful environment whether its a river, lake, ocean, or beach.  These areas are typically emotionally and mentally healing environments.
  • The focus on fishing takes your mind away from your problems.
  • As a result, your blood pressure is lower.
  • Sun increases serotonin, the happy hormone.
  • Nice gentle breezes, the rhythmic sound and movement of the water, the sound of the sea and land animals creates a wonderful hypnotic effect,

If you’re looking for a new hobby, this is a great one to consider and one day I will reconsider it myself.

I hope I made your day a happy one and gave you some food for thought.  Please subscribe to stay tuned for more ideas on how you can improve your mental and emotional well being.  Thank you for reading.

Everyone Ain’t for Everybody – And It Hurts Like Hell!

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Have you ever met someone so wonderful that you couldn’t stop thinking about them? Maybe it was their eyes that drew you in Or maybe it was the way they walked, their smile, the amazing things they were doing in life, or maybe it was the way they made you feel special.

Maybe it’s all of the above and you are hooked! You were theirs for the taking and it felt…amazing! After dredging through the swamps of Tinder or meeting people who had red flags tattooed all over their forehead…some didn’t even try to appear sane, YOU found your unicorn and no one else mattered.

The chemistry between you was undeniable…at first. They made you smile and filled you with passion even when they were not around. Your time together felt like a dream and the love you made put all those freaky novels to shame.

And I guess I should’nt mention what happened when you were home alone thinking about your boo, wait! You got kids at home? I hoped you locked your bedroom door and prayed your child would give you an hour before they started knocking and the door knob starts groaning under the pressure of them trying to open the door. I’m going to rewind time **rewinding time**and give you that hour of peace so your mind could reflect on the passionate effect your Babe had on you, so you could send those naughty pictures and exchange kinky text. But ummm…I hope remembered to wash the love off your hands, please – and – thank you, before you touched your kids. It’s a minor inconvenience when your a parent but it didn’t take away from the fact that YOU finally found your unicorn.

In the midst of all that there were a few red flags. You both saw them, but you chopped them down because you really wanted to be together. The red flag isn’t always your boo, it’s you too, admit it! It could have been you a lot, but just like how you chopped down their red flags, they chopped down yours too because you both really wanted to make things work.

Let’s fast forward to where you crashed and burned. It took a few weeks or maybe a few years. The constant fighting and crying, inability to see each other’s point of view, feelings of anger, inadequacy, and insecurity that were fueled by your different communication styles, your different outlooks on life, your religious and political differences, the lies, the manipulation, and unresolved issues you both had before you met. All of those red flags you saw in the beginning and ignored because you felt you found someone special, seeing your situation go down in flames despite all that you hoped for HURT LIKE HELL!

As I said in the title, Everyone Ain’t for Everybody. No matter how nice they are or how good of a person they are, it doesn’t mean they are good FOR you and you will have to move on. Your heart will feel like it’s dragging behind you but remember…your situation was toxic and it won’t get better while your together. You know what sucks? It’s when you have the breakup from hell and the person you cared for gets their mind right and someone else reaps the reward! It freaking sucks! But you know what? That doesn’t have to be your focus because YOU could be that person that gets their mind right and you can find someone that is better suited for you.

Get YOURSELF together. Get YOUR mind right because YOU did play a part in how your relationship failed. Don’t worry about them and what they did, what did YOU do and what are YOU willing to do to better yourself. Understand that making yourself better takes constant mental work, it’s a lifestyle change. You have to get into the practice of managing yourself and take ownership of how you behave.

I don’t want this blog to be too long but I will share that I myself am going through this. I wrote and deleted this post several times because I was writing from a position of anger and blame, I then wrote from a position of pity and pettiness, and then I mentally stepped outside of myself and gave myself advice. Lol, is that weird? Yes, but it helped a whole lot. What did I tell myself?

Delete his texts. I did it quickly because my main method of communication is texting and if I see his name I WILL text with one more thing to say because I still yearn for him to understand me. It has been a few days and it hurts that he has yet to reach out. Men are usually better than women at not communicating because they internalize differently. Every time I get a notification my heart skips a beat but I’m good. I’m moving on with my life. There is someone better suited for me and that is what I continue to tell myself throughout the day and it helps.

I also remind myself that he is a great person, that is what attracted me to him. Whatever issues I had with him, I am a flawed person too and our flaws do no mesh well. I feel that one of the keys to a great relationship is to have compatible flaws and that was not the case for us. That’s OK and I wish the best for him.

Before I reunited with him I was in the process of researching a few business ideas and having him in my life threw me off my path like no other man could. I assume that’s why we did not work out, but listening to podcast helps me get my head back in the game. I highly recommend podcast because you can listen and receive knowledge no matter what you are doing and all you need are ear buds (headphones). Download a podcast app and check it out.

Well, I’m off to the gym. I hope you enjoyed my post. Subscribe and keep in touch. If you think my post can help someone, please share it.

Dealing With Your Negative Mind

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“Tell your negative mind to stop.”

I woke up this morning and those were the first words on my mind. It’s 5:30 in the morning and I have to be at work by 7. My alarm clock went off, I hit the snooze button and tried to go back to sleep.

“Tell your negative mind to stop!”

Unfortunately, that became my mantra as I tried to snooze a little bit longer.

After I hit the snooze button for the third time another voice screamed, “Somebody may need to hear what your mind is saying! Get up NOW!”

I’m up now, thank you brain.

So reader, I got a few minutes to tell you this. When your inner pessimist is discouraging you and poisoning your mind, tell your mind to “stop.” It’s just that simple.

Go ahead. Mentally or under your breath scream “STOP!” If your negative mind is on a roll and won’t quit, drown it out by thinking or saying out loud, “Stop It Stop It Stop It Stop It! It actually works!

You can also negate your negative thoughts by reasoning with it. Here is an example:

Negative me – “Look at them over there talking about me.” Positive me – “Or maybe they are just talking in general so stop!”

It’s that simple. When I put my negative mind in it’s place ( several times a day) I feel a weight lifting off my mind. Go ahead, start practicing it and see how your world begins to change.

So what negative thoughts always cross your mind and how did you humble them?

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